OCTONUTS Traveler : The Ranger's
by InkyDewott502
Summary: *Crackfic Warning* This will not be a normal playthrough of Octopath traveler between you and a close friend, you'll be combined and sent down in to the World of Osterra where something is wrong. But luckily you met the Eight Main characters and everything is fine. Wrong, everything is crazy, have your units become insane and now it's up to you to set things straight!
1. Fire Emblem Awakening

Cyrus and Tressa were confused, very confused. They had just made it to Clearbrook after Primrose stole their virginity from their weapons by doing the signature 35PP Mole Dance with a level 8 Drilbur. Olberic went ahead to scout out the town and he said he wanted to find a spot to get some drinks.

"Okay, can I rob this dead looking body for spare coochie? Cause I smell some something worth selling on Let Go!" pondered the feathered hat wearing woman child. There was a figure obscured underneath a dark green cloak and cape, resting in the grass behind a tree.

All 3 of the ragtag bag brags kneeled down by the body, Cyrus activated his beam Kirby powers and scanned the figure. "Hmm I don't think they are dead, in fact they seem to be hyperventilating. Let's try to press Y and see what we can do."

Then Primrose used Bulk Up on herself and helped lift up the homeless person to the inn. Tressa held the man at the counter at gunpoint with her trusty bow for about 10 seconds before getting a discount. "Time to close up shop mother fuckers!"

"Okay, let's make sure they aren't getting frightened at the idea of me having my way with them. Don't want Olberic to throw me in jail again, it's not my fault those village kids were sexy." Prim whined as they placed the unless unnamed urchin onto Tressa and Cyrus' bed. Primrose isn't allowed to share a bed with anyone after the Lance incident with Tressa and Olberic.

The scholar removed the fabric concealing the face of sleeping beauty. It was a cute black haired child with tan skin."Oh look, the ends of their hair are blue, the color of Sir Olberic's warrior clothes! Wait is this person a sister or a mister?" Pointed out Tressa before she had to fight back the roused Sunland dancer. This was beyond science.

Cyrus scratched his head for a while before looking down at Primrose, she had a huge grin on her face, crossing her legs in front of Tressa as she hugged her from behind. "Woah, Is that a dagger on your belt or a logical solution? Cause we seriously need them both." He joked as there was a giggle behind him.

The three of them turned around to see Olberic and some blondish brown haired man leaning on his shoulder. Prim was trying to figure out how the Hell those two guys entered the room without a key, and so quietly.

"Tressa, why don't you ask whoever it is you all managed to bring up to the inn this time?" The middle-aged man questioned, as the elephant in the room stirred. Primrose cocked her head towards the highly drunk man becoming aware of his surroundings. He got off of Olberic's shoulder, trying to figure out who was around him.

Cyrus stared at the two new people and back at the clearly awake green cloaked person."Erm, ahem good afternoon, I promise this isn't what it looks like! My name is Professor Albright or Cyrus Albright." He gestured in a panic to Tressa while Olberic was scolding everyone else loudly as a Big Daddy, for everyone doing something wrong. Yeah, this kid thought they had been abducted and were about to get gang raped.

The merchant started sweating like crazy, smiling brightly."It's getting a little hot and hot, it's getting a little hot and hot. I said, it's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes." She took the stranger's hand and shook it as fast a as a pulsar.

"My name is Tressa, this horny chick is Primrose and apparently our Dad Olberic has a new boyfriend." Cyrus figured out how to pry off the Merchant's hand from the stranger's by punching her with his staff-fist. "Ow my fucking Collect bag, I dropped my hot pocket you damn little-"

"Shut up with this useless banter! No, I don't have a boyfriend Tressa, this man's name is Alfyn. I found him pissed drunk staggering outside the bar, mumbling about tripping on acid from a snake. I promise I'm not dating him even if he is kinda cute." Olberic shot back, crossing his arms and blushing before adding "Baka!"

Primrose smirked threateningly and cracked all 57 of her Knuckles the Echidna. She broke past Cyrus and Tressa, towering over the perplexed androgynous looking teen. "Well now you know quite a bit of thing about us, so tell me; top or bottom?" The kid's jaw dropped and their hazel eyes widened into green orbs, maybe to summon Hector.

The green-clad stranger took in a deep breath but then it accelerated like a Mario Kart bike. "T-top I guess, maybe bottom for the right person. Hold up this isn't real, I'm not actually meeting my units. Cyrus, since you have to lowest strength stat, slap me," they said confidently. Everyone else in the room didn't know what the hell a stat was so they just stared at each other.

Cyrus used Leer at Tressa until she looked back at him. She whispered something to him before beginning to float with wind magic, trying to cool off. Then the scholar frowned before stroking his hands and slapping the ever-loving 5 HP from the blue hair tipped kid. "Was that what you wanted to happen, friend?"

"Yes, Cyrus, Tressa and everyone I want all of you to know that I love you all so much. I can't believe that-" Started the kid causing Primrose to blush and start panting before getting interrupted.

Tressa used Anchor shot and Toppled the unfamiliar person off the bed and pointed at them."Who are you, what's your name?" They were broken by Cyrus's slap, so it wasn't hard.

"Yea, you can't just say you love everyone, you just met us! What job do you even have, for us traveling workers need someone with some sort of skills fella!" Piped up Alfyn, now slightly more sober than before.

Then he giggled as Prim leaped onto the kid, knife drawn. No reason in particular, probably just is upset they can't bang. "Haaa, I doubt you can find my weakness policy! Speak up or face my wrath filled lust!" Yep, she's just worried and turned on at the same time, a literal horndog.

Both of them slammed into the table leg which knocked away the Dancer's weapon and . "Woah, calm down Primrose, guys I thought you were better than this! My name is Acrayran, and I'm a…. I'm a, uhhhhh Ranger, yeah a Ranger!" the green wearing stranger announced. The dancer pushed back on Acrayran's hands with the rage of Primal Groudon.

Now they were starting to push back and forth. Tressa egging them on, along with Alfyn, chanting "Fight, fight, fight beat the faker, We know for sure that's fake!" Cyrus and Olberic shook their heads in disapproval.

Prim growled in fury as she was jabbed in the stomach with a Let it grow, let it grow you can't reap what you don't sow kick from the proclaimed Ranger. Finally, after being bested she face planted onto the floor with a Classic "Oof, my dick fell off!"

Acrayran dusted off their knees and elbows before looking down at their body."Wait what in the flying fuck am I wearing? " Cyrus shrugged and helped a tired and spent Primrose from the ground. "Oh well, I'll figure out something listening to them."

Primrose started to unpack her bag, folding away her extra clothes and items while Alfyn and Tressa were giggling about something with a pile of herbs and plants next to some matches and paper. "Aw yeah, it's Four Twenty Concoction time baby!"

Olberic was going on a rant about whatever snake the gang needs to jack off for Venom to Cyrus so Acrayran had their guard down. The Ranger screamed as Tressa quickly patted them directly on the breast, right on the money or right nipple. The stranger froze, Cyrus used Ice Beam on them as he shrugged earlier.

"Sorry Alf, so close but no cigar, now it's your turn." The merchant said as there was a blunt in her mouth. The Apothecary had ate some edibles then slipped his hand in the green teen's pants and it's going down I'm yelling Timber, slipped right back out moving away in fright. It's super effective, Acrayran has fainted in embarrassment.

The dial-up sound was playing through the speaker in Primrose's head from losing her chance. Olberic used Karate Chop on both of the two perverts and stamp on the ground. "Ok, I know both of you are high on something but can you not be retarded, doing shit like this!? Do you want to sleep outside or something, as Acrayran did? Cause if you make me upset my blade will not bend! Kisamaaaaaa! Oraaaaaaa!"

Cyrus and Prim laughed before the scholar placed his hand on the dancer's shoulder."You know what that means don't you?" He asked gently.

"That I can get the rights having this little Ranger? Cause if so, I want to see if the fuss Alfyn made was reasonable."

"No, someone has to sleep on the couch tonight, what gave you the slight idea that's what I was alluding to !?"

This was Acrayran's first day in the land of God-forsaken Osterra, the Ranger knew what was going to happen in the world of Eight travelers for the most part. But now they got to experience the ability to be see, hear, feel, smell and taste the same things as their favorite characters but with a twist of insanity and full on chaos everyday.


	2. Xenoblade Chronicles 2

~ 2 terrible troublesome weeks later~

Outside of Stonegard, Olberic was beating the shit of Acrayran and everyone else. No one was safe from his makeshift sword getting shoved up their ass. Well not like an enema but they were sore as hell. "What was that Acrayran? Didn't you say you were a Ranger, why can't you hold your own in battle?" asked the Warrior before blocking a strike from H'annit's Armads replica.

"Yeah well, I'm a lover not a fighter as a Ranger. I guide you guys to your destination, not fighting the scary monsters." The Ranger begs while Therion cha cha real smooths out of the way of Ophelia's pity attempt at a staff swing. "She probably never played on any sort of softball team, how is H'annit so good!?"

Olberic blew into his whistle for a time out, just like Dukes sorry ass despite winning. He moved his arms with a wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tubeman to get his team to stop. "Okay good work guys, Therion you can actually try to hit us with actual attacks. H'annit stop cheating with those "summons", whatever the hell those are. " The big Daddy explained while patting Acrayran and Ophilia on the heads.

This made his other children jealous as fuck, because this was H'annit's chapter 2 not these useless saps. Therion smiled in hidden as Olberic was teaching the Ranger how to use Swords Dance with the Monado. And by Swords Dance he meant "Go crazy, Aaahhh! Go stupid, AAAHHH! Go crazy!" It wasn't going well for Acrayran, they were gaining all the aggro.

After both of them stopped to rest the Warrior started walking over to Ophilia as she was sewing a core cyrstal into her staff to increase it's shitty accuracy.

H'annit tapped on the cleric's shoulder and teased "Looketh, I ken Olberic Olberic likes thou." The cleric's face went red and she just went silent.

"What?" asked the mentioned older man, holding his arm that was bruised up pretty bad. "I want to heal up everyone at the inn then set out to find out more clues about your Master Z'annta. Don't you wish to do the same?" Being questioned the Hunter shifted the blame to Acrayran for shits and giggles.

That poor kid was in worst shape, hair whack, clothes whack, the way they never smiled whack, their stance whack so they were a sitting duck. "Therion, thou sayeth that young Acrayran never partakes in hunting of enemies?"

The Thief held back his laugh as Ophilia was not surprised to the bluff. "Yeah, they'll stay being weak and scared all the time after we do all the dirty work." The man stabbed, knowing the Ranger was merciless to his words. "Acrayran would rather let our hardworking and selfless Cleric get battered and hurt along with us, only taking responsibility when we all faint like that one time at bandcamp."

Their little Ranger picked up their own makeshift sword and staff with a pout. "I'll guess I'll be the little red hen, er chicken in this case." They bowed to H'annit and then she nerfed them over the head with her bow. "Owww, take me to the forest with you but may I have one question you ass?" Acrayran really felt like shit for not joining their team in level grinding.

"Sureth, ask away thee pupil, just remember thou have to steel thine body, lest you end up piddling thine trousers." Acrayran had the Red and Blue anime Pikachu shocked face and bit back.

Well more like sucker punched back."Why the hell do you hate me so much!? I've done everything I can to help you and you treat me like crap despite it working out everytime!"

H'annit put the much younger traveler into a snare and tripped them. "Simply cause fucketh thou, thou hast stolen Olberic!" Even more pissed off Acrayran took her down, by the shoulder and held onto to her like Linde to a helpless townsperson.

Therion was plenty frustrated that his Daddy wouldn't give him any extra attention so he decided it would be best to set the young Ranger on fire with Charizard after using armor corrosive on them. "Burn baby burn, I said burn baby burn!" He was cosplaying as Red after all.

Anyone could these siblings weren't getting along and Ophilia had to break them up with an icepick, well an Icewind."Alright, Alright since you are a such a knowledgeable and mystic Ranger from another world, lead us to the beast of the forest. I'd wish to see how you handle the stress"

Now the 5 five guys started their trip to sell as many burgers and fries to the community, but they needed substitution meat. "Aaaahhh holy shit, how do I fight this fucking thing!?" Screamed Acrayran as the level 20 monster of the week slammed into Olberic and everyone else with a rampage.

The Big, Chunky, Plumpy, round with something something of a Man had used Incite, Stout Wall and Defend to minimize the damage he was taking. "Harrgh, I can't take this Gaiden boy by myself!" In response Acrayran used a mend staff on the Jaegan Unit of Octopath. Luckily it had 20 more uses on it, just like Olberic's dick.

Ophilia was simply off in the corner with the bags of equipment on her lap in deep concentration. When her fellow O traveler passed a glance she hit behind her staff, she was guilt tripping hard as balls. Not as hard as Walmart golf balls but softer than their basketballs. Of course none could compare to the size of absolute unit which is Daddy Big O.

H'annit used Take Aim a round earlier so when she activated her Tenta missile special at full boost that shit was going to make Hiroshima look like a joke. "Thou, just hast to go Super Saiyan, liken Therion, Ranger!" The Thief finished the ratkin furry loser with a SP STEEEEAAALUUUU! All the other kids with the pumped up kicks 1 - better run better faster than my bullet 0.

About 15 long ass minutes later the Huntress found her prey. "It is a killer single buck what could go wrong?" Pondered Therion, pointing his thumb toward Acrayran. "Think you can handle it, 'there'll be a red chest to the left and then a book for us to write out information in' wonderful Ranger."

"If you ever need me I'll be back here practicing reading Scholar tomes" mentioned The Cleric as H'annit instigated the Monster into a Unique Battle. There was a look of stress and shame on Ophilia's face as she knew her team relied on her skills but was acting like total cunts to their Ranger in basically hazing. As they got their asses handed to them it unlocked some sort of boredom in the young woman.

Yeah it was bad kind, the 'We gotta go down to electric avenue and then we take it higher!' type of boredom. Olberic had done the same as before but this deer was acting like Xerneas instead of Sawsbuck which which meant alot of fuckery with Geomancy ploy. It unleashed some big dick energy and the whole team fell besides him. Well and the useless Acrayran cause they somehow managed to dodge.

The Warrior knew that demon was gonna cream his ass so he looked back for some moral support and got artistically furious . "RRRRRAAA, I'm tired of these games! You should be beating VILLAINS not your Meat! Yare Yare Daze, Ophilia get up fill in this stop for Acrayran! They say we'll have another chance at this battle!" This mentioned blonde watched as her teammates were destroyed with something like the power of the Aegis, she might have been reading but she never did anything.

The Ranger heard the voice of someone whispering "Yeah, she must have some kind of Guilt kink when it comes to older men having hope in her". Maybe, the Family Feud survey in the sky says X. Acrayran was seeing and hearing some weird ass crap when they fainted. And that was a lot while they were in Gormott. "Cocaine is one hell of a drug."

Ophilia in the meantime was messed up. Her face was burning with the intensity of any Fire element Blade and shook, this man really had her life like that. It really be like that sometimes, H'annit's and Therion's negative peer pressure ruining their slim chance of victory.

"What the heck does that even mean, beating your meat? Ahh, guess I'll die then." The team respawned back at the savepoint and Acrayran took one look at Ophilia then punched her in the face full cowl style. "What was that for? I didn't say or do anything to you!" she cried after only taking like 15 damage.

The Ranger scoffed like some shounen protagonist's jerkass rival and crossed their arms. "See how weak that shit was? Do 1000 Percent more or I'll never…. I'll tell you what happens in your path or anyone else's. And I know how much you are a sucker for things from my world, you're my bit-." That was the last bit of ballsy comments coming from the teen before H'annit knocked them unconscious with one of her Pokemon. It was an illegal shiny level 69 Mew with all illegal moves.

"Thee apologizen about thine cadet, thou are fine Ophilia? Yea, thou arth hardy plenty." The Huntress took off her bags and placed them in Acrayran's lap before moonwalking into the boss. "Was it so difficult to have the hunt begineth, Thine was getting bored too Linde?" But Linde didn't respond, she never does.


End file.
